Change

Hello,

I am a prime of example of someone who gets distracted by everything.. Since I was young I was also told off for being distracted. I used to have to take post it notes from one end of the house to the other so I remembered what I was supposed to be doing! It may sound like I lived in a mansion but, in fact, I lived in a beautiful 4 bed bungalow haha!!! What I’m trying to say is I’ve been so distracted I have not had the thought to blog.

There is actually a point to this post.. We are moving!! I have moved loads of times over the last 7ish years but this one is particularly exciting. NO.. Really bloody exciting. This time it is a house that Mike owns. For me, this means I can paint and decorate how ever I want too! Interior design is something I absolutely love but I’m no pro so it’ll be super exciting experimenting and trying to get things right. The kids are super excited and all we’ve had for the past 6 weeks is “do we move this weekend?!” Our last night in our current home is the 30th June. We won’t be able to sleep in the new house until the 3rd July. Lots to move and things to paint.

I have got mood boards for every room and have sat down with the kids to make sure I’ve got things for each of them that they like. Rupert was gifted some lovely things when he was born that we haven’t been able to put up. Flo and Thomas will no longer be sharing a room. Flo was a bit upset about not being in with Rupert at first but I think the prospect of having her own room and being able to have friends stay over cheered her up. She’s got the smallest room but that won’t matter for her too much as she tends to bring anything she wants to play with downstairs to be close to us all. I will be doing posts about each room and the tranformstions but at the moment I’m unsure how to format them! We’ve even ordered new sofas! We went shopping in IKEA on Saturday. Got loads of great things for the house and looked at the bigger things we want to order online.

This is such a huge thing for our family. It’s the start of better things. Mike worked so hard to make this house a home and I’m excited to share it with him and the babies.

 

Thank you!

Amy xx

Baby Blues

Hello again.

It was really important to me that I mentioned this. I didn’t want to put a dampener on the happy birth announcement but this really is something that needs to be mentioned.

I have been really honest about my battle with anxiety, depression and OCD.. Having a baby should be the most happy and exciting thing for any new Mum (or Dad) but unfortunately “Baby Blues” can creep up and the most happy, down to earth new Mums. It’s nothing to be ashamed of or to be embarrassed about. I fully get that you things like not having any Diet Coke in the house can set you off. Trust me. Some nights I find myself crying at absolutely nothing.

I have to continue to be honest with you all. Having the anxiety, depression and OCD already has at times made me feel completely at the end of my tether. I’m worried that I am not good enough for my family, that I am letting them down all the time, that Rupert isn’t ok, that Mike doesn’t love me anymore, I feel sad that I can’t keep up with housework and I find it hard to leave the house. What may feel like a tiny step for others for me is climbing Everest. I don’t want Rupert to be cold. I have this really thing that he’ll freeze. I am afraid to drive my car in case I crash. I am freaking out because my house is never clean enough. For anyone else it’s spotless but for me I can see germs everywhere! I hate it! And it makes me sad that my back is so bloody sore that I struggle with household stuff. I can’t expect Mike to do everything but I just need a bit of time for my body to heal. But while all that’s going on I can’t cope with the emotional side of it all.

Another thing that has really hit me is how lonely I have felt. When Flo was born I had so many visitors it drove me insane. I couldn’t wait for people to leave. Since having Rupert I’ve hardly seen anyone. I have been continuously let down by people and even ignored by some. I want to show off my beautiful baby boy. All I want is a friend. Someone who I can chat to for hours in the evening. A distraction from all the negative thoughts and sad things that run through my head. Mike is self employed and has worked really hard to get his business to where it is. I was very selfish to think he would be able to take time off to spend with me and the baby and I actually feel a bit foolish I’ve allowed myself to get my hopes up so much. I miss him in the evenings the most to be honest. I can stand the days when I have food and TV!

My baby boy is a week old already and I am looking forward to this down patch to be over. I can’t wait to get myself better and back out in the big wide world!!!

Thanks for your time!

Amy x

 

Rupert David

Hello!

This may be a little late arriving but I have had my hands rather full!

On Sunday 24th (day after my due date) I had a day of generally not feeling great. Was uncomfortable, hot and everything ached! We decided to go for a walk in the afternoon for some fresh air and a change of scenery. We got to the last little bit of the walk and I was begging Mike to get the car but he said there wasn’t much point as it was a longer drive than walk!! When we eventually got back to my Mum’s I was completely done in. Well and truly exhausted. After we’d gotten home and the kids were in bed Mike rubbed my feet for me, which was heaven! I headed to bed pretty early as I’d just had enough of the day! As I was in bed trying to get myself comfy I had this real pain right across my tummy. Made my eyes water! I had a couple of these before I finally managed to get comfortable! Just as I was nodding off at about 1030pm I felt my waters pop! I text Mike (he was downstairs oblivious) and the waters just wouldn’t stop!! I rang my Mum just to give her a heads up Flo needed to stay with her that night and then called the midwife on call to let them know. Turns out my waters had Meconium in them so I needed to go to the hospital straight away! My step dad collected Flo and we took Tom to his Mum’s on the way to the hospital! We got to the hospital very close to midnight and I was hooked up the machine super fast. They needed to check baby wasn’t in distress and he wasn’t at all thank goodness! I was only 3cm dilated but still had time to progress. They gave me 2 hours to see how I progressed without the hormone drip. The 2 hours passed very quickly and I was still 3cm. Totally gutted!! I was put on the hormone drip after one failed cannula and one successful one in my wrist! Ah! The pains came thick and fast after that! My midwife was adamant I should have an epidural (I had a terrible experience with Flo and was really reluctant but for some reason she wouldn’t let me have gas and air) IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH SKIP THE NEXT FEW LINES. I’LL MAKE IT OBVIOUS I’VE FINISHED THE HORROR BIT– The anaesthetist came in very quickly to do it for me but unfortunately he could not find the right spot in my back! He put the local in which is bad enough and I kid you not he must of had about 10 attempts at the epidural. I have never felt pain like it. I have given birth before and being poked in my spine was 10x worse! At one point I heard him say “oh ffff” I couldn’t see anyone’s faces but I could hear them all wincing! When he stopped to compose himself I looked at them all and they were all pale. At one point he got me right in a nerve and my right leg shot out.. They told me to let them know if I had a contraction not if it was hurting me so I gritted my teeth and ploughed through. When they asked if it hurt I couldn’t lie and I said yes. They couldn’t understand how I was keeping so calm. I have to be honest, inside I was crying, I was so so close to giving up. He’d had so many goes with it in and out of my back. I’m still getting nightmares about it all! — HORRID BIT OVER When they epidural had gone in it was great haha! You don’t feel the pain as such. More of a tightness. I was examined again and had only gotten to 5cm! Totally deflated!! It got to 845am and I could feel a lot of pressure. Was in quite a bit of pain so they topped up my epidural. By 915am it was unbearable. I had to push. I knew I was ready because, like they say, I thought I needed a pooh!! They midwife checked and yep sure enough I was ready! We tried to push but he wasn’t quite ready. I’d been in touch with my mum just to let her know what was going on. She was at the Dr and totally unaware of how fast it had progressed! I had one message from her before I started pushing again and I just said to her I was fully dilated. She didn’t believe me! The midwife went out of the room at about 945am and said she’d be about half an hour. At 10o5am she came back in and the Dr and the crash trolley (this is protocol when Meconium is in the waters) were ready and prepped next to me. At 1019am my beautiful pink, crying boy was born. He was lifted up onto my chest and I burst into tears. I couldn’t believe he was finally here. He weighed 7lb 10oz and he was absolutely perfect. He only kept me waiting for 2 days and in all honesty he was well worth it. After I’d delivered the placenta and all usual checks were done I was run a lovely bath. After the bath were taken down to post natal ward. We were told I’d be going home that day and I just had to wait because I’d had an epidural. I tried to catch some sleep but the ward was so noisy and my back was agony. We were given the all clear to go home at about 5 o’clock. Mike dropped me and Rupert home and he went and collected the kids. I have to be honest I’d been up for about 40 hours and I was delirious with tiredness. As soon as the kids met him I went to bed!

I am the proudest Mummy.

Rupert

Thank you for your time!

Amy x

 

Sorry..

Hello..

I was foolish to think that I could manage to blog for 31 days.. Christmas for me is a bit of an emotional time and I just thought the blog would be an amazing distraction. Boy was I wrong!?!? It’s just one of those things where lots of emotions fly all over the place and I can’t keep up with it all. I absolutely loved having Flo at home with me. I really struggled when she went back to school! It made me sad for like 2 days. She loves it so I was just being really selfish. We also got to spend some quality time together as a family which was all I really wanted for Christmas. I don’t even want to talk about my birthday but I will say we enjoyed a delicious meal with friends and family. I was lucky enough to be gifted some amazing things. My mum got me Benefit make up, brother and sister in law got me a new Cath Kidston Wallet, my sister got me an adult colouring book which was at the very top of my wish list haha! And I was super lucky that my best friend (who happens to be a hair dresser) gave me a voucher to have my hair cut, coloured and blow dried!! I have very thick long hair and I know how much time and product it takes her so I was a total emotional wreck! I cried into my chicken haha!!

IMG_0958

We visited the Newlyn Meadery. It is my all time favourite place to eat. You eat with your hands and rip your food apart like a proper animal! I’m not even sure why there is a fork there haha!!! Looking at this picture makes me drool. It was amazing. A little pricey so it really is a treat to go as we don’t go hardly ever. The kids have both asked to go for their birthdays! Time to start saving haha!

IMG_1673

This is the only picture I can really share, but, I feel as though this one really sums up the excitement Flo had all day!! She really was an angel all day. She was so appreciative of everything she was given.

New hair

My beautiful hair. I am naturally blonde but the blonde is enhanced ha! I had been toying with the idea of having the coloured ombre. Initially I wanted pale green but everyone said I’d look mouldy. When I got to my friends house in the morning she said to me she had some purple in her kit so we went for it! It’s basically a layer of purple. Flo was over the moon! It’s actually quite subtle.

 

Now Christmas and Birthday is out the way I’ve really focused on baby. We had our whole house redecorated and did a lot of shuffling around to make space for everything. I stayed with my mum for a few days and whilst I was there my Step Dad got the pram chassis, car seat and carry cot down from the attic for me. Flo and I spent about 3 hours building it and pushing it around the house!! I brought it home with me from my Mum’s and it is now sitting proudly and ready to go in my front room! It’s actually driving me mad. It’s torture. I can’t wait to get my boy in it and show him off to the world. I am now 39+2 and I have to be honest the struggle is real.. I’ve hardly done the school run but I’m doing my best to keep as active as possible. I am terrified of going into labour when I’m out and about, yes I know that’s silly but in Cornwall phone signal is rubbish and knowing my luck I’d end up giving birth in Tesco toilets! I’m starting to turn into ‘that pregnant mum’ at school. People keep touching my belly and asking me when I’m popping him out.. Someone asked me the other day if I’d had him yet, please picture this, I’m rocking the pregnancy waddle, have a big belly, no pram in site and also not even carrying a baby.. I told him I had him last night and decided to leave him at home out the cold.. Said he couldn’t do any harm to himself. He can’t even hold his head up. Yes ok rude but also COME ON!! He caught me on a bad day. Normally I just laugh and say “Not yet” and mutter some swear words under my breath (out of ear shot of any children) We had a false labour a week ago and honestly it was so deflating. Thought my waters had gone and contractions had started. A horrible midwife looked me over, did a special test and then came back into the room, threw my notes on the bed, told me I wasn’t in labour and off she went! I cried the whole way home like a total wimp. It did give us a great chance for a practice run! I’ve got midwife on Wednesday when I’ll be 39+4. I’m not sure what she’ll do to be honest. Probably just check blood pressure, position of baby and bump size. Not sure what it’s like anywhere else but they won’t let you have a stretch and sweep if you’ve had an easy pregnancy and they don’t see any risks of you going over until you are 41 weeks. The thought of giving birth doesn’t scare me. I’ve done it before.. What I am nervous about is life with a newborn. Not necessarily the lack of sleep or the having a baby attached to you 24/7 but more the family life. It’s hard to explain if I’m honest. I’m worried how we’ll all adapt as a family of 5! AH!

Hopefully my next post will be a baby announcement post!! Fingers crossed!

Thank you for your time!

Amy x

 

13th December

Hello!

I take my hat off to daily bloggers/vloggers. I just don’t know how they do it. I just lose track of time! Sunday was insanely busy. I had to get to my friends little boys party early to help with the party food. I got there just before 10 and Mike took the kids and Henry to my Mum’s. We were super late and I get stressed when we are late so my mood was rock bottom. Mike came back with the kids when the party actually started. We left early because we had a family thing to get too! This has got to be one of my favourite traditions.. We go and see Santa on an old railway line. It’s magical and the kids love it just as much as the adults! After this my mum had sorted everyone tea back at her house so we had about 20 people piled into my mum’s bungalow! Good job its big.

Myself and Mike had a band concert at 630 so we left the kids with my mum and we headed off to that. It was hard going. I really struggled with breathing. We were supposed to stand up at one point and I just couldn’t! So I hid behind the curtain haha! I managed to stand for the last bar of the piece which was a victory managing it without wetting myself or my waters breaking. Someone in the band stood up and did a little speech saying thanks and good luck but I couldn’t hear him. I was gutted. People kept talking over the top of him.

I’ve got a confession to make.. I had been opening the wrong numbers on the advent calendar.. How I managed it I do not know! I will have to double check which days was what. I think opening them at 7am with no light on didn’t help haha!

Thank you for your time!

Amy x

12th December

Hello!

Today has definitely been more eventful. I actually ventured further than Tesco haha! Flo and I had a bit of Mummy and Flo time. We went to spend the morning and some of the afternoon with a friend of mine and her children. Every year since the girls have been born we’ve made salt dough decorations so this is an annual thing. Arts and crafts stress me out. I’m not the most artistic and my fingers very rarely do what I want them too! The girls loved it though. That’s the main thing. Below are the finished decorations that Flo made..

IMG_1595

After we left my friends house we went to see my grandparents. We were only there for about an hour and a half but they’d had a really busy day and were super tired. We played bowls in the kitchen and ate quality streets.. Bliss! We then went up to my mum’s for half an hour just to have a catch up with her. Mike text to say he’d pick us up pizza and it’d be ready by 5:30 so I had to make sure I was back by then. Pretty much as soon as we had tea Mike left to go to band! Hardly seen him today but I’ve loved having a day with my bub! While I was out Mike had fixed the crib for me. This caused great excitement for myself and Flo and we couldn’t resist having a play and seeing what his bed would look like all made up. I freaked myself out a bit looking down into his crib. Any time from the 1st January we could have a tiny baby to look after ah! Made me realise I need to stop procrastinating and crack on. I’m hoping next Saturday me and Mike can get lots sorted. Mainly making space. Here’s a little sneaky peek at the crib! It’ll all have to be taken off and washed but it’s still cute.

IMG_1596

I’m going to write a list now of what needs to be done and send it on to Mike. I slept a lot better last night but the tiredness is getting pretty bad again! When he’s back from I expect we’ll catch up properly and then I will head to bed. Like the old woman I am! Got a hellishly busy day tomorrow so I need an early night. Before I forget my Body Shop gift was a hand cream! Love it when I’m right haha!

Thank you for reading!

Amy x

11th December

Hello!

Well.. I’ve finally caught up with myself. I’m sorry its a lot to read in one day but I was starting to struggle remembering what I’ve been doing! Everything turns into one big memory!

This morning we all woke up super late. I’m not sure how Mike managed to get the kids to school on time. Everyone was exhausted after the carol concert the night before. I decided that I wanted another day of spring cleaning. Nesting has well and truly kicked in and I will not be happy until my house is decluttered and bleached from top to bottom. While doing the dishes I all of a sudden came over super dizzy, hearing went and my eyes were all fuzzy. Managed to get hold of Mike but all I remember is then being woken up with water being poured on my head! Was on the kitchen floor.. My blood pressure is low even when I’m not pregnant so I know what’s causing it but it’s still scary! Mike helped me onto the sofa and then he left for work!! I stayed on the sofa for about 2 hours while my head got back to normal. I managed to finish the kitchen but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything else. Mike also collected the kids from school for me to save me the journey out and about.

The furthest I’ve been today is Tesco and that’s about 2 minutes away from my house. We had the most amazing curry for a fiver! Had 2 curries, a big pilau rice, 4 onion bhajis, and it was supposed to be 2 naan breads but we ended up with 3. Picked up a lucky box! I also picked up magnums because they were on offer too. Super excited to tuck into them in a minute! Well one I’ll just have the one.

Mike is heading off to work for an hour soon and I’m going to go to bed. I did not sleep at all last night and I’m tired, teasy and emotional today for it. I kept waking up with Mike lying on me.. Or him trying to pull the duvet over our faces. He must’ve been having horrible dreams or something because he was nuts in the night! I must be honest I am so excited for sleep. Got the busiest weekend this weekend. Me and Flo are spending tomorrow with my friend and her daughters in Porthleven and Sunday is a super special day which I intend on taking a 1000 photos of! I’m actually feeling exhausted thinking about the weekend haha! It’s mainly the thought of driving I am hating. Need to make sure I’m in a better mood for the weekend so hoping I sleep well tonight. I cannot wait for next Friday. Last day of school.. Lie ins for everyone! Well apart from Mike but I shall my little Floflo for company!

My advent gift was another soap. I also don’t know the smell of this one but it’s lush. I’ll be saving this one too. I’m guessing tomorrows is a hand cream given the clue is about “having a helping hand this winter” I’m loving this calendar thing! Like a mini gift everyday and I love miniatures!!

Thank you for your time.

Amy x

 

 

10th December

Hello!

Thought I’d better catch up on everything while I was still awake.. Well I’m just about with it haha!

I’ve got to be totally honest. I’m really struggling to remember what I did yesterday. How awful is that?! Mike took Flo to school for me as I’m still full of cold and feeling pathetic. I’m really struggling to sleep so anything other than homey days are a bit of a no go. I’m 34 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I have to be completely honest with you all I feel bloody awful. I am feeling like a whale. He’s head down and his feet are sitting nicely in my ribcage. OUCH! His movements feel pretty aggressive now. I know he isn’t doing it to hurt me I’ve just convinced myself he’s going to be a big boy. Sometimes I have to gently tap his feet to make him shift out of my ribcage. We had Tom’s carol service last night and I really struggled to sing the carols! I couldn’t breath! Got my last band concert on Sunday and I’m not 100% I’m going to be able to do it without keeling over from lack of oxygen haha! Luckily I have Mike in the same section as me so if I need to run off stage he can cover my part or he can pick me up if I go down like a sack. I’m pretty sad to be finishing band. It’s where me and Mike met and fell in love but at the same time I know it’s the safest option for baby and me. I’m going to do a couple of more carolling things coming up but they are pretty informal and I’ll be able to stop and pass the part onto Mike if I need too.

I had a lot of people making enquiries about The Body Shop orders but as I was out and about I had a lot of catching up to do when I got it. I had to help a couple of people choose gifts and I had to research what a discontinued colour had been replaced with if replaced at all! I ended up going to bed pretty late. In my calendar I got a little heart soap! I have no idea what the smell is but it smells amazing. I’m going to save it though for a weekend away or something. It’s only little and I don’t want it to sit in the shower and just be wasted.

Thank you guys. Hope you are all enjoying these posts!

Amy x

9th December

Hello!

I’m getting totally lost when it comes to remembering what day it is! Everything has started to murge into one.

Yesterday was Flo’s Christmas production. Straight after dropping her off we went into the hall. Apparently she chose to be a hen.. Who am I to judge?! She featured twice. First time was walking around the manger pretending to lay an egg. 2nd time was to sing a solo!! The first verse of ‘Away in a Manger’ I cried. I am so proud of her. After intense speech therapy she has come so far. Not long ago she wouldn’t even say hello to anyone let alone perform for 100 people! She as flawless. Had parents and teachers telling me how great she us. That night she wanted sweet and sour chicken for her special tea so that is what we had. I also picked her up a jewellery  making set, sweets and new moshi monsters!

She went to bed relatively early and Mike and I watched a film :) just a nice chilled out evening! I’m really struggling with tiredness at the minute and I have to be honest I fell asleep writing this last night! Argh! Hurry up holidays.

My gift in the body shop calendar was an Elderflower eye cream. Mike had to pop out to work for an hour so I had a mini pamper session with all body shop products. I smelt divine and my skin was so soft! Will do a proper post on it all ASAP!

Thank you!

Amy x

8th December

Hello!

I am still full of cold. It seems to be worse today. Sore eyes is making doing anything on the laptop hard work and today has been a day of being glued to it! Looking forward to climbing into bed and catching up on Vlogmas. Will have to turn the screen brightness right down haha!

I did the school run this morning. It was absolutely Baltic! Flo was a bit tearful going in. She’s not really understanding the whole Christmas card thing. Some children are handing them out in the playground while they wait to go in and others put them in a little hand made post box in the classroom. She was sad because a little boy had given one to one of her best friends but not her.. Turns out he gets bored writing more than 2 at a time and is making his way through a list haha! When I explained this Flo wouldn’t listen but when another mum did she stopped crying instantly.. Rascal!

After the school run I came home and did nothing :) I just needed a couple of hours of calm and quiet. I had to go to the bank and Mike needed to pick up a part for his work so I ended up tagging along with him just so I wasn’t stuck indoors for too long. I get a bit of cabin fever. I also went and got us pasties for lunch! I couldn’t taste it but I’m sure it was good. We picked the kids up and came home as Mike’s parents wanted to pop over to see everyone because they had been on holiday for 2 weeks. They bought the kids the most amazing Turkish gifts. Flo got an authentic belly dancer outfit and I had a really struggle convincing her to take it off at bed time. They didn’t stay for long but it was still lovely to see them. I’m very lucky they treat Flo as their own. Mike went out for the evening while Tom was at Cubs and Flo ended up having an early night ready for her Christmas play tomorrow!

Something very exciting happened for me today.. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this at all yet.. I became a Body Shop Kit Consultant today! Basically I will be able to host parties and take orders from people. I can do it all from home and will be able to work it around the kids and having a tiny new baby. I’ve got to be completely honest. It would not have been possible without Mike. I’m a genuinely really shy and struggle to reach out to people so he gave me a very gentle nudge to start working for myself doing something I love with products I love. I am so unbelievably lucky to have him backing me the whole way supporting me on this new venture. I know he’ll read this so I’m not going to big him up too much. Don’t want his head to get too big. Talking of Body Shop in my advent calendar I got eyelash curlers!! So chuffed with them. I recently lost mine and was too stingy to buy more haha! Glad I didn’t to be honest.

Anyway, I could sit here rambling on for hours. I need to go and sleep off this rancid cold.

Night.. Thanks for reading.

Amy x